This weekend, thousands of residents of the northeastern United States lost power to their homes, sometimes for hours at a time. The cause of these widespread power outages was me, and I’d like to take this opportunity to offer my sincere, heartfelt apologies.
The problem began when I set the clock on my microwave oven last evening. I should have known better. You see, the laws that govern our universe do not permit me to ever feel too comfortable in an environment, and they contain inbuilt safeguards against this sort of activity. The moment I settle in just a little too well — adjusting minute details such as the skew of this photograph or the flashing zeroes on that electronic device — the universe takes steps to correct the imbalance, and strikes me with an earthquake or power outage to set things back into disorder.
Yes, I’m aware that there was also a major storm going on, escorted by sheets of driving rain and buffeting winds. Their role in the problem has been greatly exaggerated.
And so, to all those who stumbled around their homes by candlelight and tripped over their cats, I’m very sorry.
I’m also sorry to those of you who have awaited my next blog or message, because I fell completely off the face of the earth for most of you over the past month. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Do you like Slush Puppies?
I’ll also have another update coming much, much sooner than this one was. It is Halloween after all, and plunging you all into darkness was only the beginning.
