Emptying Out the Desk Drawer of the Casual Writer’s Mind…

• All right fellow guys…it’s time for Urinal Class. Do we all understand the purpose of flushing a toilet? The concept is pretty simple: whatever you have left behind is swept harmlessly away to some netherregion where it shall not be seen (or smelled) by the next visitor. Urinals work the same way. This means, if you flush first, then go, then leave, your bodily waste is still there. The correct order here is: go, flush, wash if you got any on you, then be on your merry way. Okay?
• Furthermore, today I walked into a public restroom to behold a gentleman who was in the process of using a urinal…from about three feet away. Guys, it’s not one of those carnival games where you try to shoot water into the clown’s mouth to pop your balloon first. There’s no prize to be won here. If your stream (or God forbid, your junk) is visible to anyone else, for the love of all that’s holy, take a step or two forward.
• I wonder if Ray Bradbury would be so upset about Michael Moore calling his movie Fahrenheit 9/11 if it sang Bush’s praises.
• Latest on the always-short list of “pleasant surprises of the week”: the iTunes debut of the first new song by the reunited Pixies. “Bam Thwok” sounds like an excerpt from a script for the 60s Batman TV show, but the song is just as quirky and catchy as all their classic best and so far I’m thinking it’s a good time.
• Can the Chelsea Clinton memoir be far behind? Even the dog and cat had a book.
• Breakfast cereal update: I saw Peanut Butter Toast Crunch at the market and decided to give it a go. The texture is light and crisp, and the flavor will satisfy peanut butter lovers everywhere. Grade: A-
• If you’re first in line stopped at a light waiting to make a left hand turn, and the light turns green, you’re probably thinking you have all the time in the world to cruise through that intersection, because you do. You can sit there rummaging through your purse to find your lipstick and not pay any attention to the light, because you know you’re going to make it no matter what. But that light only lasts about 10 seconds and the folks behind you want to make it too. So please, pay attention, be safe and careful, but step on the goddamn gas and get the fuck through the intersection so the rest of us have a crack at it.