Emptying Out the Desk Drawer of the Casual Writer’s Mind…

• We’ve all had a few decades to get comfortable with the idea of elderly rock musicians, like the Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney, who just keep right on rockin’ despite having to interrupt their live sets every few minutes to get their I.V. drip swapped out. But here’s a new one we should get ready for: elderly rappers. Can you imagine it? You’ll turn on the TV and there will be sixty-three year old Snoop Dogg, strutting around on stage doing the “hands in the ay-ah” gesture with his wrinkles and grey cornrows.
• Then again, the entire rapper lifestyle is designed so that none of them reach that age.
• The latest overused catchphrase that needs to just die already: “I just threw up in my mouth a little.” I’ll give this phrase the first four, five, or maybe even the first eight times I heard it, for having been sorta funny. That was in 2004. Time to let it rest, people. You know who you are.
• Ever notice that all artificial strawberry-flavored snacks and candies taste alike, and when you taste them you associate them with strawberry …but that flavor doesn’t actually taste anything like real strawberries? It’s like we allow ourselves to become conditioned to believe it’s strawberry just because that’s what’s printed on the packages.
• It’s well established that I’m not generally that fond of children. However, I always feel really bad if I pass by some kid running a lemonade stand and don’t buy some. Not that they’re everywhere, but I see one every now and again. I mean, sure it’s not too original, but at least the kid’s trying to accomplish something instead of running around shouting. And I just can’t get the image out of my head of that kid heaving a big, sad sigh and giving up because nobody bought her lemonade. Shit, someone in this world deserves to have success at a young age.
• If I write a blog without really paying a lot of attention to what I’m writing, does that mean that blog is “not from concentrate”?
• I have to laugh every time I scan the comments on any blog written by a good-looking woman. Men: she’s 31, you’re 19. You live in Akron, Ohio; she lives in Canberra, Australia. So you can stop going on about how every single one of her blogs is a life-changing event and/or spiritual awakening for you, because you are never going to get into her pants.
• Speaking of blog comments, I’ve been reflecting on the exact nature of “kudos”. Of particular interest is when someone gives me one kudo. If I get none, it could just mean they forgot…after all, no kudos is the default on the comment form. But one kudo actually takes effort. It’s kind of a passive-aggressive gesture. It sends the message, “Your blog is good, but not that good.”
• I’m at a total loss to explain why more people aren’t reading Andy K. He’s a funny bastard.
• Some may have noticed that I recently took some time to change the formatting of my blog pages and profile on MySpace so that they’re a bit more professional-looking…hope you like them. I just want to mention that they look much cooler if you’re using the Firefox web browser. Actually, you should be using Firefox anyway, because it’s fast and has some neat features, whereas Internet Explorer is a piece of goat dung which can actually help spread viruses. I don’t even remember how I managed without tabbed browsing.
• Today, while I was “using the facilities”, my cat came into the bathroom and laid down in the sink…and I resisted the sadistic-little-boy impulse to turn on the faucet.

  I think this might be one of the early warning signs of growing up. Ugh!