Emptying Out the Desk Drawer of the Casual Writer’s Mind…

• This week, the Senate defeated by one vote a proposal to amend the Constitution to outlaw burning the American flag. Forget about the First Amendment issues it raises. Is this really a problem we’re seeing a lot of? Are American flags across the country in fear of their lives? “What is it, dear?” *husband peers through the curtains* “It’s those goddamn neighborhood kids, burning American flags again. I tell you honey, someone’s got to put a stop to this!”
• Wide-mouth soda cans…when did they slip that past us? It’s one of those innovations you don’t really think about and didn’t pay attention to when it happened, and now it’s just taken for granted that you can slam a Coke Zero in three seconds flat. (Though hopefully not too flat.)
• Sean Connery is the world’s greatest character actor who has never character-acted. His heavy Scottish brogue never falters through any of his films. Yet while watching him, you never question that he’s a British spy, or a Russian submarine captain (The Hunt for Red October), or a flamboyant Spaniard (Highlander), or even a Japanese cop (Rising Sun). Now that’s talent.
• Speaking of Connery movies… I love Indiana Jones as much as anyone, but surely I can’t be the only person who would rather not see a fourth film made with 65-year-old Indy on the screen. I’m sure Harrison’s in great shape for his age, but come on. Those sagging cheeks underneath the famous battered brown fedora? It just wouldn’t be right.
• Dating websites in general are great, but not eHarmony. It’s built on the maybe-true premise that we are not the best judges of what we’re looking for in a mate for ourselves, paired with the absurd follow-up premise that their computer is. Don’t get lured in by those commercials with beautiful couples bouncing excitedly in each other’s newfound arms. Unless your perfect mate is someone who lives 2,000 miles away on a cattle ranch and has all the traits you specified in your “free personality profile” that you dislike.
• How did the band Ween get to be known as talented artists? Have you ever heard The Pod? It’s like a crisp slap in the face to the conceit that every album sold at retail must first pass some essential litmus test of listenability. It’s like a computer virus for eardrums.
• Before you click the next news story describing in intimate detail how Britney Spears was seen brushing her hair or Angelina Jolie went to pick up some milk, consider this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt: “Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.”

That’s it for today’s brain clutter. Check back in the next couple of days for a more traditional entry, and a new story from Andy’s past.