Last time around, Mr. Critical Thinking helped us to unravel the mystery behind chain bulletins on MySpace. There is another phenomenon sweeping MySpace nation, painting the whole site with a fresh coat of stupidity, so I thought I would invite him for another visit. Welcome back, Mr. Critical Thinking!
Thanks, Andy. It’s, like…great to be here or something.
You’re too kind. How have you been?
Oh, you know…Superman sequels, and those damn ribbon magnets on cars that won’t go away. It hasn’t been a good month. What can I do for you, sport?
Listen, so I’ve been getting a lot of friend requests lately…
Stop right there! I know exactly the ones you mean. Pay careful attention to what I’m about to tell you, Andy: These friend requests are automated SPAM.
Wait a minute! I haven’t even described them yet…how can you know already?
Andy, what’s my name again?
Oh…right.
Right. So let’s go over this. First of all, all of the pictures on these profiles appear to be of classically hot women, in a pose suggesting that they’re just aching from the desire to expose themselves to you, don’t they?
Ohhhh baby, they sure do.
Do lots of hot women ever want to expose themselves to you, Andy?
Well…no.
Okay then. Secondly, the requests never say anything specific about you, only that they “liked your profile”, am I right?
Yes…
Now, Andy, do you click to check out these profiles before accepting their friend requests?
Well of course, that’s only the smart thing to do.
One would think. And what have you noticed about the profiles when you clicked on them?
Hmm…almost all of them have the exact same block of text in the “About Me” section. It’s got a few vague details about them, mostly their “turn-ons”. And there’s always — always — a link to an external website, even if that block of text isn’t exactly the same.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a spammer.
But wait, Mr. Critical Thinking! Those profiles always have a bunch of real guys in their friends list! Not only that, but a lot of the guys leave comments, like “DAMN U SO HOTT MSG ME HOLLA ATCHA BOY!!!11″
What the fuck does that even mean?
Errrr, I have no idea.
So because a bunch of fucking nitwits got tricked into thinking these are actual hot women wanting to meet them instead of probably some pasty-faced amateur porn mogul in his basement, that makes these profiles real?
Well, when you put it that way…
Listen to me, Andy. All of those guys are goddamn morons. Seriously. Their brains tripped a breaker switch long ago, and nobody ever bothered to fumble around in the basement to reset it. Actually I take that back. All they know how to do when they see those hot-chick pics is “fumble around in the basement”, if you catch my drift.
They don’t have you with them, so they’re completely blind to all the evidence that these aren’t real women. And it’s so obvious to me now!
Hey, I’ve got your back, know what I’m saying, hoss?
Thanks a ton, Mr. Critical Thinking!
You got any roast beef up in this bitch?
