When I was a small child, my parents poured me a potent cocktail of compliments, telling me all the time how smart I was. I imbibed that sweet beverage as fast as they could keep it flowing, and as a result, I felt it necessary at all times to share the fact of my intellect with my elementary school classmates. As you may imagine, they didn’t take much of a liking to that.
So I’m acutely aware of how precious a commodity popularity can be. I get it. I know that attention can be an addictive substance for those who crave it, even when it’s the wrong kind of attention. However, sometimes the pursuit of it leads people into some truly asinine behavior, and today I come before you with a request for some of the women in the audience.
Stop pretending to be bisexual.
Please. I know it gets you more attention, and it paints you as edgy and provocative. But put away the brushes, because it’s a sham, and we all know it.
Bisexuality has become just another stylish accessory that some women drape around their necks to make themselves seem deviant and get noticed. I’ve seen women make out with each other in wild social environments: vigorous, tonguey encounters where both girls wore huge grins that screamed out “Look how wild we are!” and yet were about as passionate as a Family Circus cartoon. About a third of all the profiles I’ve seen of women on the internet proudly proclaim “BI” as their orientation. There are even certain nameless bloggers who write boldly of slippery fantasies and daring amorous glances exchanged across a bar, all with a tone that makes it perfectly obvious they’re only writing this because of the impact it will have on their male readership. Ugh.
Thinking other girls are hot does not make you bi. Flirting with them on occasion does not make you bi. Not even having fantasies about them makes you bi. Lots of women find others of their kind attractive to some degree. But I would be willing to bet that three out of every four women who claim to be bisexual have never swam with the beavers in their lives, but more importantly, never will. If they were actually faced with a woman who wanted to go beyond a little making out, they couldn’t go through with it.
Yes, I know some women actually are bisexual, and have their arms folded huffily as they read this. Some of you actually do enjoy a trip to Taco Bell now and then, and not for the burritos…and I applaud you for it. But you have to admit there are a lot of women who are pretenders, and some of you have probably even been burned by a few of them when they responded favorably to your advances only to chicken out when it came down to business.
Do I think bisexuals are hot? Sure, a little. However, what marginal allure it holds for me is far outweighed by my disdain for pretentious people. I can’t stand it when someone is a total fraud, putting on airs to get attention for herself.
Additionally, I know that the whole reason men drool over bi girls is that they view them as straight girls with a fetish. Their fantasy of a bi partner is one in which the girl dips her toe timidly into those forbidden waters, indulging in perverse — but temporary — adventures, after which she comes home to him where he gives her real pleasure. That’s not even accounting for the men who expect that all bisexual encounters with his mate will include him…and well, that’s most of them. But a true bisexual woman isn’t just doing it to make guys hornier…she actually enjoys going to a clambake and sampling the goods there. You just aren’t in the picture, guys.
Whether it’s acting like a know-it-all in front of classmates or acting like a sexual risk-taker in front of chatmates, pretending to be something you’re not is annoying and cheap, and is just going to lose you respect and eventually the very popularity you’re looking for. If you aren’t bi, just quit it with the teasing flirty comments about other girls and the staged make-out sessions.
Meanwhile, I suddenly find myself craving Mexican food.
July 20th, 2006 - 10:20 pm
Shame, shame on you. Deep down in that part of me that knows stuff, stuff like “there is no Santa”, “the scratsh ticket that I’m about to buy, is just $2.00 down the drain”, and “When I die, that’s it it’s over, I’m not changing the world, I’m just occuping it, earth isn’t going to miss me any more than I miss OK soda”
… that part of me knows that you’re prob. right.
I’m not sure because I don’t listen to that part…I can’t listen to that part.
I need my illusions, I need to belive that leaving a large tip might get me laid… Size dosn’t matter…The playmate of the month finds a sence of humor to be a real turn on.
We all have lies that we convince ourselves to be true. I have mine, you have yours, and those poor lonely humor starved bi girls have theirs. So what if it makes us think we’re something we’re not. popular, smart, memorable. Those girls get me thru the day.
those girls… Santa …The millions I’m sure to win tomorrow…a crack millitary comando unit sentanced to prison for crimes it diddn’t commit, now helping people in the Los angeles undergroung…
I need them all
July 21st, 2006 - 2:12 am
You have a point there. Ignorance is bliss, even if it’s not ignorance so much as…ignoring the truth. And it sure is nice to think about those two amorous babes who want to invite us into their bed for some fun.
July 21st, 2006 - 10:57 am
You heard him girls !!!! Go ahead… make out !!!!MAKE OUT FOR ALL YOU’RE WORTH !!!!! Santa and I will be over here if you need us…..
August 30th, 2007 - 6:56 pm
It’s a basic need. Like food and sleep. I must believe that bisexuality is the normal orientation for women, and that western society is now coming around to it. We just need to remove the stigma and social pressure against female bisexuality. What’s not to like about it?
I would like to someday write and direct a film for teenage girls that teaches that female bisexuality is desirable. Sort of like a “health” class that we get in junior high school, but about 1000 times more erotic, and with some role playing and how-to demonstrations.
January 16th, 2008 - 5:28 pm
So basically you are saying that when it all comes down to it, the decider in orientation is what you are willing to do sexually? So a girl could have crushes on other girls, kiss them, even fall in love with them, and if she for some reason did not want to give a girl oral sex at that point in time, then that discredits all of the other stuff and makes her not bi?
There are reasons for not wanting to. Maybe she is not completely comfortable with her sexuality, as to go that far. Maybe she is nervous, scared, worried she will make a bad job. Maybe she just does not have any desire to. Yes, it is possible to have attractions to girls and no desire to fuck them. No, the people who are like that aren’t “just straight girls kidding themselves”. They are attracted to women, after all. Sexuality is not so rigid that in order to “quality” as a sexuality you must do thisthat and the other. If you are attracted to both sexes, you are bisexual.
If a girl is sexually attracted to other girls, then she sure as hell isn’t straight. What she does and does not do in the bedroom does not discredit this attraction.
However, I do agree with you on some of the other points you have made.
January 17th, 2008 - 5:23 am
I’m afraid I don’t agree with you, Karma Police. It’s estimated that a majority of women have some degree of attraction to other women. The level of that attraction varies widely, however, and where does one draw the line between straight and bisexual? If one defines bisexuality to include only thoughts and feelings, well then, one would have to call most women “bi” to some degree. However, according to recent studies, less than five percent of women identify themselves that way.
While “sex” is a term that encompasses a wide range of relations between people, we define someone’s “sexual orientation” with primary focus on the physical side of things. If intimate contact is not a part of the territory a woman is willing to explore with another woman, I don’t think the other perfectly normal feelings she may have toward them qualify her as bisexual.
However, this all obscures slightly the main point I was making here, which is this: Bisexuality is rather fashionable among young women nowadays (a quick poke through the profiles on any dating site will back me up here), but in a lot of cases, it’s a front. My intent isn’t to besmirch anyone who has real homosexual tendencies, but rather to ask the pretenders to get real…and there are many of them out there. The fact that the gay community has adopted widely used derogatory terms for such women — look up the terms LUG and BUG along with “MySpace bisexual” — attests to the proliferation of what some consider fraudulently bisexual behavior.