Mullets have been evolving for centuries now but they are known mostly for their designation to the hillbilly look. There are now thousands of mullets walking around every day right under your nose.

There are many story about the origins of the mullet. One is that sailors wanted to have long hair, but if it were long in the front then it would get caught in the rigging (Grand Royal). A more sensible explanation is that people wanted to have long hair and be cool but also wanted to look clean cut. I disagree with the second reason because I personally think that mullets are the most tasteless hair cuts available. The most sensible explanation is people wanted to have long hair, but they were too lazy to take care of it, so they cut off the sides.

Mullets have different classifications. If there is a thin strand of hair growing off the back of a person's head, it is called a rat tailed mullet. There are other names made up by Mike D of the Beastie Boys. These names include "The Marlboro Mullet," the "half cut mullet," and the fullet, a female mullet. Sometimes the color of the hair is important. A mullet on a person with jet black hair is called "El Moulito." There are lots of names for mullets that don't stray far from the original spelling, but they make the name sound more cultural. Some of these are Muloshka, Mouletta, Moulet, El Moulito, Moulinnit, and then "The American Dream," and finally "The All American Dream."

The above were some classifications, but there are also many nicknames like Hockey player haircut, Soccer Rocker, Guido, Bi-Level, Shag, Neckwarmer, Ape Drape, Sphinx and Squirrel Pelt, plus my favorite "Business in the front, party on the back." (Eye On).

One of the most revolting mullets is the rat-tail mullet. This mullet was popularized by Suzanne Pleshette of "The Bob Newhart Show" (alt.culture). This fullet was one of the reasons for the 1980's mulletmania.

I was thinking about how long mullets have been on this earth and I realized they must have been around as long as civilization. I heard the nickname sphinx, and I realized that the sphinx had a mullet. When I think of it, King Tut had a big golden mullet headdress carved into his coffin. Look at ancient Greek art; you will see that all the naked men throwing spears also are sporting mullets.

Mullets are a way to prejudge people. Most of the time when you see someone with a mullet you think "what a stupid hick." Just because people have mullets doesn't mean they're stupid. It does mean they're hicks because mullets are one of the defining characteristics of rednecks and hillbillies.

Mullets are an amazing field of study. It is one of the last things that still has room for discovery. Michael Diamond, also known as "Mike D," thought up the name mullet, as well as a bunch of other nicknames for the haircut. I really enjoy writing on this topic, because all of the factual research done was just from a bunch of bored fanatics with web pages.

The best free place to go see a mullet is at the mall. Yesterday, as the author was buying Christmas presents he saw whole families of mullets. The best mullet was on a bald guy who was combing his hair over his bald head, and also sporting a solid 7" mullet.

As you are out spotting mullets there are a few games you can play. The first one is a violent game when you hit your partner once when you spot one. There are also racist additions to the game where different races are worth more hits. The game I play, you just get points. Sometimes you will see mullets that are so amazing that they will win the whole game.

I love watching mullets, but I would never get one. It takes a lot of courage to wear your hair in a mullet every day, and throw all the ridicule aside. There is no reason I should've done a report on mullets except that they have greatly amused me, and by amusing me they make the world a little bit better for me to live in.

Bibliography

"Eye on the Mullet." Online. Internet. 3 December 1998. Available at http://kirk.bc.edu/~andersep/mullet/mullet.html.
"James Mullet Page." Online. Internet. 3 December 1998. Available at http://www.amidev.demon.co.uk/mullets.html.
"Just Say No" Online. Internet. 3 December 1998. Available at Geocities ET.
"Mullet." Online. Internet. 3 December 1998. Available at http://pathfinder.com/altculture/aentries_ew/m/mullet.html.
"Musings of the Gus." Online. Internet. 3 December 1998. Available at http://www.spies.com/~gus/musings/terms/mullet.htm.

If you don't sport a mullet, click here to go back. If you do, log off. Turn off the computer. Stand up. Go fetch the closest pair of scissors. And in the name of all that's holy, CUT THE MULLET.