Hi there! I assume since you clicked into here that one of two things has happened: either I've somehow intrigued you with my weird website and you seek more information about the suave and disarming man behind it, or you are doing a research paper on lameness and you're here in search of reference material. In either case, what you are about to read shouldn't disappoint.

I have transcribed here a short "stat sheet" of sorts for your handy reference. I also asked one of my good friends to upload it for me and add a few notes here and there in case I missed any details. Enjoy!

Full Name: Andrew James Tatnall

Age: 15 minutes older than you think!

Height: 5 feet, 10 inches of raw, tempered steel. [I think tinfoil is a better analogy, Andy.]

Weight: Roughly 160 pounds. [On the moon, maybe.]

Hair Color: dull brown [Naturally...it sits right atop his dull brain.]

Eye Color: caramel brown [Complements his sugary sweet disposition...hah! I can be funny too!]

Favorite Color: black [It allows him to blend in at night when he's working his second job as an ultra-specialized and bloodthirsty political assassin. No, really.]

Favorite Food: pizza or almost any kind of breakfast cereal, especially Frosted Flakes and Cracklin' Oat Bran [Always, Andy is a champion for the cause of eating healthy. That must be where "roughly 160 pounds" comes from.]

Location: Hudson, Massachusetts USA [Actually, he lives in a burrow in the ground where about 18,000 others just happen to live. Except that, for most of the rest of them, it's by choice. Go figure.]

Hobbies: writing, computers, watching films, acting, and opining on things ["Opining" is the fancy way of saying he shoots his mouth off a lot. And he left out "Talking and not making sense." He does that a lot, too.]

My Family: my dad Bob (48), mom Linda (45), brother Greg (20), and sister Kaitlyn (12) [They're good people. Kinda makes you wonder if Andy was adopted.]

My Car: a 1978 Cadillac DeVille [A car that's almost as old as he is. Seriously though, that rusty hood is just for show, right Andy?]

My Computer: a Pentium II/266 PC with 64 MB of RAM and a 17" monitor [He spent $1800...and this webpage is the result.]

Laughing. Silliness. People who speak their minds but don't do it incessantly. Writing. Catch-22. Secrets. Fresh fruit. Indiana Jones. Getting mail from real people. Pearl Jam. The Flaming Carrot. An appreciation of the random and weird. New ways of looking at things. Some good exercise. TNG and DS9. Pool (both the game and the thing you swim in). Movies that make you laugh, or make you cry, or make you think, or any combination thereof. Led Zeppelin. Warm, breezy, sunny days. George Carlin. Talking philosophy. Sam & Max. Baseball. Anyone I have ever called friend. Debate. The Lord of the Rings. Billy Joel. Gadgets. Parties. Wild imaginations. Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead. Swimming. Legend. The Tick. Shakespeare. Nighttime. Star Wars. Courtesy. Summertime. Dave Barry. Giving and getting gifts. A healthy sense of humor. Pink Floyd. Solving problems without help. Traveling. Cheese. Songs that make me jump around and sing along. The Simpsons. Building something and having it work right. Cities. Opie and Anthony. A sudden, intense thunderstorm. Ren & Stimpy. Stargazing. Italian food. The Dark Tower series. Wrestling for fun. Live. Vanilla ice cream. Making fun of bad movies. Big, goofy dogs. And cats, too.

Arrogance. Media hype. TV news. Rap (except Public Enemy of course). People who flagrantly break rules and abuse others because it suits them or just because they can. Lobster. Political correctness. Celine Dion. People who can't deal with what they don't understand. Cold. Country music. When someone says you're wrong just because you don't agree. Being wrong. Shallowness. Abstract art. Computer crashes. Scallops. Mariah Carey. People who use race or gender as a bludgeon to get their way. Snobbery. People magazine. Tight clothes. Getting less than 6 hours of sleep. College-campus political self-importance. Coffee. People who criticize you, but only behind your back to others. Top 40 radio stations. Condescension. Green vegetables. Extreme conservatism. Extreme liberalism. Toilet humor. Rock bands that are nothing more than gnashing guitars and screaming. Labels. People who are fans of something just because everyone else is. Grown men who act like teenage boys in a locker room. Bullies.

Well, kids, wasn't that fun? If you haven't already checked out the pictures, just click the link at the top of this page, but make sure your browser supports images of homely young adult men. (If you aren't sure, look at the title bar of this window. If you see the words "Microsoft Internet Explorer," then your browser supports images of homely guys, because the company that makes your browser is owned by one.)

Enough about me! Click here for some of the genuinely interesting stuff.