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You've looked around a bit, and now your brain is reeling with a swirling montage of questions. You may find them answered in the handy-dandy list presented below in easy-to-read monospaced type! You also might discover the secret formula of the Universe, but I wouldn't hold my breath for that either. And now, without further ado, may I present...
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@~/ ,. \~@ C Y C L O P S M C G I N N I S ' @~/ ,. \~@
/_( \__/ )_\ N O N S E N S E /_( \__/ )_\
\__U_/ R A Q ! \__U_/
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(If your browser is using a monospaced font, you just experienced
a cool ascii banner. If not, you just experienced the typewritten
equivalent of macaroni salad.)
Q: What exactly is the point of this page?
A: It's an expression of my personality, manifested in a random
collection of silliness.
Q: You must be some kind of idiot.
A: Why, thank you.
Q: What's the deal with the stuff you've got on here?
A: It's a random assortment of things that either I created at
some point, because I was bored and trying to entertain myself,
or that I've experienced elsewhere that I wanted to share with
you, the online public. Everything here in some way reflects
my sense of humor.
Q: I don't get it.
A: Don't worry; I'd be generally alarmed for humanity if a lot
of you did.
Q: So, this webpage is like an online form of expression for
you? Just like every one of the thousands of other personal
webpages out there...so what?
A: Well, most personal homepages tend to be pretty stale and
formulaic; you have to at least give me credit for trying
to make it interesting and fun.
Q: Fun. Like, for example, flying toast.
A: Teehee! That's a tidbit I found on the Net way back when I
created my first webpage in 1995. It just wouldn't seem like
my page without it.
Q: So it's there just because it's silly?
A: Give yourself a gold star!
Q: And the same with all the rest of the crap on here?
A: Now you're getting it!
Q: Who in the dad-blasted hell is Cyclops McGinnis?
A: One time in high school I forgot to put my name on a test
paper before handing it in, and when the teacher received
it, he hoisted it high above his head and bellowed, "Cyclops
McGinnis!" and put that name on the paper. Additionally,
Cyclops McGinnis came to prominence during a long correspondence
once carried on with Purity Godsend, a mysterious girl who was
sighted in such varied locales as Puerto Montt, Chile and
Northfield, Minnesota, but who was said to hail from Maine
originally. So I thought the name fit in this case.
Q: What the hell--why not?
A: Exactly.
Q: What did you get?
A: I got an A-, after I got points taken away when the teacher
found out it was my paper and not Cyclops McGinnis's.
Q: Why do they always sell honey in plastic bears?
A: To scare away the little gnomes.
Q: It doesn't seem like there's all that much content really
on this page. Why not?
A: A combination of laziness on my part, a lack of the right
equipment to computerize some of the matierial I want to
add, and a stunning deficiency of original humor to be found
on the Internet. And by original, I NOT referring to anything
the likes of the Darwin Awards, "The Top 6,945 Uncanniest Ways
to Freak Out Your Mailman", or "Bob Denver Ate My Gonads."
Q: But those things are funny!
A: Some of them are, and if you like them you can find them
all at just about any one of the other cookie-cutter humor
sites on the Net. I'm trying to be fresh and original here,
remember?
Q: If I've got something original that I think is funny, can I
send it to you?
A: Please do!
Q: My material is better than yours!
A: That's not saying much.
Q: What's with that nutty little ascii head that's plastered
all over the page?
A: Another thing I saw a few years ago and have been using
ever since...I suppose it's sort of the Nonsense logo,
until whenever I get sued by the person who owns the copyright.
Q: That stupid little thing might be copyrighted?
A: Everything is copyrighted these days.
Q: "Row Row Row Your Boat"...?
A: Owned by Michael Jackson.
Q: When you step into the shower, how do you keep the shower
curtain from billowing in and sticking to your leg?
A: Damned if I know, but I hate that too!
Q: How often will you update Cyclops McGinnis' Nonsense?
A: Whenever I have new stuff to add to it.
Q: Why is there no advertising on your page?
A: You should just count your blessings, because how much longer
do you think you're going to see websites without ads? Enjoy
it while you can!
Q: May we send you information about products and services
that may be of interest to you?
A: Die. But painfully.
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Q: How do I get the hell out of this lame Q&A and back to the main page? |