This weekend, thousands of residents of the northeastern United States lost power to their homes, sometimes for hours at a time. The cause of these widespread power outages was me, and I’d like to take this opportunity to offer my sincere, heartfelt apologies. The problem began when I set the clock on my microwave oven [...]
AndyAnonymous
- Overheard at dinner: "Sometimes, it feels like I'm the only person left on earth who doesn't have an iPad!" #FirstWorldProblems 2 weeks ago
- One of my employees wrote "May The Fourth Be With You" under the date header on her sales tracking form. I'm giving her a raise. 2 weeks ago
- A light bulb burning out is low on the worry scale. But how am I supposed to react to a light bulb disappearing from the socket altogether? 3 weeks ago
- Today's afternoon entertainment -- "Surprise Parking Lot Resurfacing (We've Towed Your Car)" -- is brought to us by my apartment complex. 3 weeks ago
- Is it too late in my life to have noticed for the first time that one of my ears has a piece missing? 3 weeks ago
- People think gas is expensive? I wanted to buy maple syrup at the market today, but I was unable to find a co-signer for the finance option. 1 month ago
- I think I have decided that I loathe Windows 8. 1 month ago
- I've realized that with my combination of idealism and antipathy, the only thing keeping me from being a supervillain is vast wealth. 1 month ago
- Crazy coincidence: the same guy keeps going to all the same concerts I do, always right in front of me. His name is Really Tall Guy. 1 month ago
- "WOOOOOOOO! YEAH! WOOOOOOOOOOO! YEAH! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" #AmongTheB-Bags 2 months ago
- Mild temperatures, trace amounts of snow, and now a mid-March thunderstorm. I want to DVR this winter and replay it during future ones. 2 months ago
- "Stop that, Braden! One...two... Are you ready to stop? One... two... You'd better stop, Braden! One...TWO.......ONE..." #EffectiveParenting 2 months ago
- The "A for Effort" rhyming award for today goes to the songwriter who attempted to rhyme "cigarette" and "ziggurat". 2 months ago
- Warm enough to roll down the car window. Cool enough to hold my tea out of said window and rapidly cool it to a drinkable level. Nice. 2 months ago
- Surely I can't be the only one who believed as a kid that Mickey Mouse was Mighty Mouse's mild-mannered alter-ego. 2 months ago
Copyright © Andy Anonymous. All rights reserved.